When a camper’s challenging behaviour; verbal or physical lashing out, refusal to start, continue or finish a task or activity or behaviour towards another camper or staff member happens ‘on your watch’ it can be confronting and daunting. Sometimes the behaviour will be directed at you and you will bear the brunt of the camper’s frustration, anger or distress. Here are some suggestions on how to help deal with challenging behavior- both by what you do that prevents it from happening in the first place, and how to cope when you are in the midst of dealing with it.
DO’s:
DO: Create structure and systems BEFORE you start
One of the biggest mistakes that counselors and specialists make is spending all their time setting up their physical areas and learning about their kids from files. While these are important to some extent, they are FAR LESS IMPORTANT than sitting down with co-counselors and team members and deciding upon the rules, structures, and daily plans your bunk or area so these are in place before the campers arrive. How will electronics be stored and passed out during rest hour? How will you choose whose turn it is to get mail or to shower first? What will be potential consequences for failing to follow along with staff directions, hurting or insulting other campers, being destructive towards property? Who will watch the kids in the shower and who will read to them before bed? What rewards can the kids earn and where will you get them from? If you have not decided upon any of this you cannot be surprised when your bunk runs amok!
DO: Spend more energy calling out the kids who are doing the right thing
We have all heard of “attention seeking” behavior. Well, if you spend most of your energy on re-direction, correction, and pointing out what campers are doing wrong, that is pretty much all that anyone is going to be paying attention to.
Do: When challenging behavior arises, keep calm
Everyone has a fight or flight response which can be triggered when you find yourself in a challenging situation. However, the calmer you can remain the quicker you are able to de-escalate the situation and be a positive role model to the camper and surrounding staff. Take a deep breath, remind yourself that this is not about you and that the camper is having a tough time. If you can look at the situation with empathy you will be more likely to stay calm.
Do: Ask for help in the moment
Sometimes personalities don’t mix. We all would be able to think of a time when we met someone and just didn’t ‘gel’. This can also happen between the counsellors and campers. While treating everyone equally and with kindness, if you know that a camper does not respond well to you when distressed swap out with a co-counsellor who works with that camper more successfully. This is also the best solution if you find yourself unable to maintain your composure or if none of your strategies are working in that moment. A team approach provides the best support for each other and the campers.
Do: Keep learning afterwards
If you try something and it is not successful, keep a mental note and try something different next time. If you see another counsellor having success, observe what they are doing, ask questions and learn from each other. There will always be a something you can learn if you are open to it!
DO: Seek out structure, suggestions, and help from above Your bunk is part of a unit and your unit has a Unit Leader and a USS. They are in those positions because they have done counselor roles before and found success. Ask them how to structure rules and guidelines for your campers, and what to do with kids who aren’t getting it or aren’t fitting in.
DON’Ts:
DON’T: Take it personally in the moment
Often the fact that you are the recipient of the outburst is actually a type of compliment, that the camper feels safe enough with you to express themselves in an unfiltered way. Sometimes it is just that you are the person there at the time or the one enforcing the boundary. Whatever the circumstance the important thing to remember is that the behavior is not about you personally. It is natural that you may be feeling self-conscious, or you may even feel like it reflects badly on you that a camper is behaving in a challenging way. Try not to let these negative thoughts overwhelm a more rational response. Rest assured the other counselors are grateful you are managing the situation and admiring your efforts. You are in a supported environment where effort and initiative are recognized and appreciated.
DON’T: Blame yourself when kids don’t do what they are supposed to
This is, of course, only if you have paid attention to the “do’s” above! However, if you have set the structures, worked together with co-counselors, and made reasonable demands, you may still have kids that act out. That’s part of our camp. They were doing that before they came to Summit, and they may well still be doing it when they leave. It’s not because of you.
DON’T: Give up.
After a day of dealing with challenging behavior you may want to throw in the towel. Nothing you are doing seems to be working! Well, as a behavioral therapist I must familiarize you with a new term: EXTINCTION BURST. This is the term for “things get worse before they get better”. I always use the ‘correct key’ example to describe an extinction burst:
Imagine you have just come home to your house, where you have lived for many years, and take out your same set of keys that you have always had. Today you put that key in the lock that has opened the door for all those years, but suddenly, for no explained reason, the key will not open the lock. The same behavior that has always worked for you no longer works. Do you immediately, rationally and calmly remove the key from the lock and say “this key no longer works anymore. I need to try a new key.” NO! You slam the key into the door, you wrangle the door handle, you do anything you can to get that key to work the door the same way it always has. In other words, you try the same behavior only HARDER and MORE DRAMATICALLY. However, if after some time, despite your wrangling, the key still will not open the door- eventually you will give up and call for help or realize you need to get a new key for the door. THIS is the process all our campers must go through when a behavior (however challenging) has opened doors that no longer open. They must be introduced to a new key that opens the door, and they have to be ready to accept that a new key is needed. Until then, you may well see an increase in both the amount and the ‘size’ of the old behavior.
Articles: